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I came across this poem and I find it very entertaining, I don’t who wrote it. I caught myself nodding in acknowledgement at some of the points and wonder if there are any blokes out there that agree with the sentiment, ‘It’s tough being a man’?

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race,
You’re a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework,
You’re a pansy.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her,
If you don’t work enough, you’re a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay,
you should get off your ass and find a better job.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favouritism.
If she gets a promotion ahead of you, that is equality opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it’s sexual harassment.
If you keep quiet, it’s male indifference.

If you cry, you’re a wimp.
If you don’t, you’re an insensitive b*****d.

If you thump her, it’s wife bashing.
If she thumps you, it’s self defence.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you’re a chauvinist.
If she makes a decision without consulting you, she’s a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn’t enjoy, that’s domination.
If she asks you, it’s a favour.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you’re a pervert.
If you don’t, you’re gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you’re sexist.
If you don’t mind either way, you’re unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you’re vain.
If you don’t, you’re a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you’re after something.
If you don’t, you’re not thoughtful enough.

If you’re proud of your achievements, you’re full of yourself.
If you don’t, you’re not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she’s tired.
If you have a headache, you don’t love her anymore.

If you want it too often, you’re oversexed.
If you don’t, there must be someone else.


Fellas, if that has stirred up any emotions, get in touch with me. I run the ‘Big Boys Don’t Cry’ project.

Big Boys Don’t Cry is a therapy service for men that incorporates talking and coaching. It results in you getting things off your chest and learning effective techniques and strategies that give you momentum towards a compelling future.

The ‘Big Boys Don’t Cry’ project is going from strength to strength. I do one-to-one consultations here at my clinic and I’m in the process of putting together some workshops. I am also, increasingly being asked by clients to do sessions in their own homes. I am told that you can feel more at ease to talk or even have a rant, in your own house.


Do you know your love strategy?

Do you know your love strategy?

How do you know that someone special in your life really loves you? Go on, think about it, what happened at the moment that you knew for sure?

What was it that convinced you?

Was it the way he/she looked at you? or was it what s/he said and how s/he said it? or was it his/her kiss, touch, hug or some other physical contact?

We all have a different strategy, our own individual way of knowing inside of ourselves, that we are deeply loved.

In Coaching & Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), we know a strategy as, a thought process that we run through our mind to achieving our desired outcome. We have strategies for achieving everything.

So, to let your partner know that they are deeply loved by you, and vice versa, you ought to be aware of each others ‘deep love strategies.’

There are three parts to a complete ‘love strategy’.
The first part is the initial attraction, the second part is recognising that attraction and the third part is the deep love.

Let us just focus on the third part, the deep love strategy for now. Knowing deep love strategies will help you to learn how to communicate your feelings of love to someone and know that your message is getting through.

As a Life Coach and practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) I have learned that there are three main modes in which we interpret our experiences of the world. We use all three at different times, however, we all have one mode that we prefer using over the other two. The three modes are:
1. Visual (what we see)
2. Auditory (what we hear)
3. Kinaesthetic (what we feel)

What do I mean by that? How is that relevant? Well, I will tell you.

A person who interprets being loved visually, in other words, with a visual deep love strategy wants to ‘see’ that you love them. They want you to show them that you love them. Seeing it takes the form of receiving flowers or gifts, unexpected thoughtful acts like a special romantic evening or a day of pampering, going out for dinner in a beautiful restaurant etc. People with this strategy need to see ‘evidence’ or ‘proof that you love them. They love it when you look at them that certain way.

Someone who uses the auditory deep love strategy like to hear the words ‘I love you’ or similar words of affection, to feel totally and completely loved. They like to hear a certain tone of voice that they know is just for them and makes them weak at the knees. Pet names, compliments and private in-jokes make them feel loved and adored.
Someone who uses the kinaesthetic deep love strategy likes physical touch to feel totally and completely loved. It might be massaging their head in a certain way, kissing a certain spot under the neck, rubbing an ear
just so, stroking the inside of their forearm. They are all about the touch. It is the contact of skin on skin holding hands, an arm around them, a hug while they are doing the washing up. This is about feeling physically close to your partner and not usually about sex.

At the beginning of a relationship we tend to cover all of the bases; go to special places with them or look at them in a certain way, say special things in a certain tone of voice, hold or touch them in a special way but after some time together we can tend to fall back on what WE like best which may not necessarily be what your partner likes best.

Ask them about their preference, then make sure you fulfil it. Don’t take it for granted that you know their deep love strategy or assume that ‘if they really loved you’ they should automatically know yours.

Your deep love strategy is usually a just one of the options. Either a visual, auditory or kinaesthetic strategy and is usually consistent. If you ask the question, most people will probably say will that all three strategies are important, and they are, however we all have one preference, one way that we like more than the others. One way that really “does it” for us – that shines the spotlight on our feelings, rings our bell or presses our buttons, (did you see what I did there?) and has the most powerful impact.

If you don’t know what your partners Deep Love Strategy is, and if you don’t use it on a regular basis, they’ll never feel totally and completely loved by you, it may feel as if you are both ’missing something.’

There are some exercises, in Life Coaching & NLP, that can help you to identify “Love Strategies” that are very helpful in finding out what your partners deep love strategy is. You may want to try them out on yourself first.

When I did these Love Strategy exercises on myself, I discovered that I had an auditory deep love strategy. Not everyone would necessarily favour this strategy, some would say ‘actions speaks louder than words’ or ‘talk is cheap’ blah blah blah. However, it works for me. (I am a sucker for a compliment.)

Here are three of the exercises that you might go through in a coaching session, do just one of them or do them all, whatever it takes to identify your deep love strategy. Use them to determine your own love strategy and the strategy of your partner.

Exercise one
Ask your partner the following question, using these exact words:
‘In order to feel totally and completely loved, do you need to hear the words,
‘I love you?’
If you get a no, repeat the question with the next strategy:
‘In order to feel totally and completely loved, do you need to be touched
in a certain way?’
If you get a no, repeat the question with the third
strategy: “In order to feel totally and completely loved, do you need to
see it through actions? have visual proof?”

In each case, ask your partner to say yes or no and tell you the answer that first pops into their mind.

Exercise two
If you want to develop your relationship a good question to ask your partner would be ‘can you remember a time when you were deeply loved?’ ‘can you remember a specific time?’ ‘go back to that time in your mind, now, step into your body and see what you saw at the time, hear the sounds around you and feel the feelings. What was it that let you know that you were deeply loved?

Exercise three
Ask: ‘In order for you to know that you are totally loved is it absolutely necessary;
1. for you to be taken places, or bought things or looked at with that special look, watches what it is that you do
2. Or is it absolutely necessary to hear those special words or a certain tone of voice, got to hear it
3. Held in a certain way, or touched in a certain way or place.

So try them out with your partner and when you do find out their preferred deep love strategy, make sure you acknowledge it every day and as often as you can. Give a gift or a note to the ‘visuals’ and look deep into their eyes with love. Speak those special words to your ‘auditory’ partner or hug your ‘kinaesthetic’ at least once a day.

Finding out your partner’s deep love strategy doesn’t take long and the reward is that they will know without doubt that you love them. Once you realise what your own preferences are, don’t be afraid to ask for them to be met. Tell your partner what you need to feel loved, it is a win win situation.

So have you figured out what your deep love strategy is yet?

Acute injury treatment

Acute injury treatment

It is good to see that more and more people are feeling inspired and motivated  to take up sports and other physical activities. As a result I am being contacted by more people seeking advice and treatment for injuries. Actually, this advice applies whether you injured yourself whilst playing sport or while carrying the shopping.

When the injury has just occurred it requires ACUTE treatment, usually for  the following 24-48 hours.

A strain to a muscle or a tendon is a common type of acute injury. I usually generalise and call it a pulled muscle. This occurs when the tissue fibres become torn or damaged, due to overloading, twisting or stretching. This may result in heat, pain, redness, swelling and loss of function in the area.

A sprain to a ligament is another common type of acute injury. This is when fibres of a ligament, which supports the joints, are torn. This can happen when a joint is forced beyond its normal range of movement. This may result in considerable swelling, bruising and pain with any attempt to move or put pressure on the joint.

Doing the right things as soon as injury occurs will aid quicker recovery and hopefully prevent it from becoming a chronic on-going issue.

I suggest following the RICE procedure. That is Rest, Ice, Compression and Elevation for the first 24 48 hours after the injury.

Rest – immediate rest from any movement of the area involved will allow the fibres to start to knit together. Rest will also allow any bleeding to stop naturally. Resist the temptation to try and use the injured part, to see if it still hurts.

Ice – ice should be applied as soon as possible, as this reduces the amount of bleeding and swelling in the tissues. Ice has a pain relieving aspect too, as it numbs the pain receptors. Reducing the pain also reduces the protective spasm around the area. A pack of frozen peas is ideal as it can be moulded to fit the area, put a layer of kitchen roll or a thin cloth between your skin and an icepack. Ice cubes can be wrapped in a wet cloth. Using an anti-inflammatory ointment on the skin whilst moving ice slowly and smoothly over the area, can be an effective combination.
The length of time to leave an icepack on depends on the area but your shouldn’t leave it on for more than twenty minutes at a time. If your skin looks red after the ice is removed, then it was on for too long. Ice the area as often as you can, just make sure that you have given enough time in between sessions for your skin to return to its normal temperature, before re-applying it.

Compression – compression or pressure should be applied over the injured area. This can be applied using a firm pad with a strapping around it to hold it in place. Compression restricts bleeding at the injury site.

Elevation – a leg or arm should be comfortably supported so that it is raised higher than the torso. This will allow gravity to assist in the removal of swelling in the area and so aid recovery.

I can give you general massage using techniques to improve lymphatic drainage which will help to reduce swelling. Massage can be very beneficial and can be given at the same time as the RICE procedure.

All acute injuries should, ideally, be seen by a medical practitioner as soon as possible.

The importance of antioxidants – My story

The importance of antioxidants – My story

Today, I would like to talk about the importance, to our health, of antioxidants and tell you how they, powerfully, came to my attention.

You may be hearing more and more about the importance of taking antioxidants in your diet or through supplementation but aren’t sure why you need them or what they are.

I am looking at antioxidants in the context of anti-ageing, in my own personal quest to look and feel as young as possible, for as long as possible and doing it all naturally.

Insufficient antioxidants can lead to premature ageing along with, a weak immune system, low mental clarity, low energy levels and low libido.

Our bodies naturally generate some antioxidants, and certain foods also contain antioxidants, but new research shows that these sources may not provide sufficient antioxidant protection against a growing onslaught of free radical invaders.

Free radical attack is one of seven risk factors for premature ageing. The others are out-of-control blood sugar, sluggish detoxification, chronic inflammation, a declining immune system, prolonged stress and waning hormones.

Bear with me for a moment here, when you cut an apple in half and leave it out in the open for a while, it turns brown as a result of a process known as oxidation. Our bodies undergo a similar process of oxidation, it’s as if our bodies start to rust, as a result of attacks by ‘free radicals’. Free radicals are highly reactive compounds that damage the DNA in our cells, and are produced during our normal daily metabolic processes.

Anti-oxidants help to protect us against free radical attack.

Free radicals are a major cause of premature ageing and ill health, they weaken body tissue such as skin, blood vessels, and the brain.

Free-radical tissue damage can result in damaged DNA which can receive up to 70000 free radical hit’s in a single day, weakens your skins protective barrier, breaking down collagen and making you look older than your age, coronary heart disease, brain damage, cancer and many chronic degenerative disorders including arthritis and dementia.

Free radicals are increased in the body by cigarette smoke including passive smoking, environmental and air pollution, extreme ultraviolet light (including sunbeds), overly strenuous exercise, some prescription medications and ionizing radiation including mobile phones and mobile phone masts, computers and microwaves.

My eyes were opened to the importance of antioxidants two years ago when I was invited to a meeting with a group of scientists and business people who were looking at ageing from a different angle. They were challenging the status-quo on anti-ageing by going right to the source of ageing. As part of the meeting we were all tested on a machine called the Pharmanex Biophotonic Scanner which is a cutting edge testing tool that measures and provides immediate evidence of your antioxidant levels. It is safe to say that I was shocked and devastated by my results. In fact, I demanded a re-test, the results were the same! The test showed that my levels of antioxidants, my protection against free radical attack, was at a dangerously low level. My body was open to attack and fairly defenceless, although I had no obvious physical signs of illness, yet. I had always thought that I was a healthy person, I was shocked.

So I started on a comprehensive array of powerful antioxidants, in the form of dietary supplements, then had another test 18 months later. There was a significant improvement in my test score, my antioxidant levels had markedly gone up. I also feel better, my skin looks clearer and tighter, and I have now got bags of energy.

Considering the stresses and environmental exposures of modern day living, those of us who want to stay feeling and looking young as we get older will greatly benefit from having our levels of antioxidants tested and from antioxidant supplementation.

In the interest of full disclosure, I was so impressed with the test and supplements that they provided that I have since become actively involved with the company. The company is called Nuskin.






Detoxing & Achieving perfect health

Achieving perfect health
Getting yourself feeling better or attempting to lose weight without utilising these points into your lifestyle may be a moot point. It is important to create the right bodily environment for you to thrive in. Here is a list of 6 components that I have found to be essential foundation blocks to achieving good health.

1. Oxygen or oxygenation of your system is the primary key that allows all of your cells the capacity to build themselves in the way that they need to be built. Your body needs oxygen.
This can be achieved by deep breathing exercises, going for walks in the fresh air, yogic practice, restful meditation, deep regular breathing, relaxation – so you are not ’panic breathing’ or panting in short ineffective breaths.

2. Correct hydration of your system. Ironically most of us drink things that de-hydrate us! Many ailments in your body are nothing more than symptoms of dehydration. Not enough water in our cells can cause short circuits and cause them to cease to function properly. Also not enough water in the body will not allow your system to flush out toxins, which can lead to many forms of build up, which can cause the immune system amongst other systems to become less effective that leaves the door open for organisms to create disease in your system. Have a go at drinking between 1 and 2.5 litres of water a day, every individual is different.
When your are actually feeling thirsty that is your body’s final signal that you do not have enough water. If you are properly hydrated you will never be thirsty, so, thirst is a good indicator of your water levels.

3. Exercise. Movement allows the muscles to act as pumps to pump the water around the body flushing out the toxins.
Exercise allows strengthening of the skeleton and muscles.
Exercise uses the minerals that are taken in via food or supplementation and allows them to act as building blocks, nutritionally.
*Exercise/movement allows energy to flow through the body rather than allowing it to sit around and build up in your body. The energy in your body must flow or it will convert itself into mass or better said, cause you to put on weight.

4. Reduction of stress in your system. Many of the symptoms that we attribute to the beginning of illness/ailments are side-effects to the undue stress in our lives. It is recommended that you find any way possible to reduce the amount of stress in your life.

5. Detoxing – removing toxins from your system. There are many methods of removing toxins from the body, to allow you to be cleansed from the build up that has occurred over time. And to allow yourself to remove many kinds of heavy metal poisoning, pesticides etc from foodstuffs. Removal of toxins is very important. My Deep Lymphatic Massage is an excellent way to kick-start any detox programme that you may choose.

6. Lightening up your diet – hormone imbalances and toxic substances have been added to a lot of our foodstuff. Lightening up your diet, will at the least assist your body, by ingesting more foods that have a higher amount of water such as vegetables, that are mostly water, like our body’s. Organic and as fresh as possible will assist in lightening up your energy and cleansing your system.
The more natural your food is, the more capable your body will be of delivering the nutrients that you need and energising your system so that you actually need less food.

So, these things will work hand in hand; as you detox your system; give it oxygen, give it water, reduce the stress, exercise your body and lighten up your diet, you will be able to be more receptive to the nutrients that are there in your natural foods. As you feed it more naturally you will find that you are more energised and you will require less food.

These are simply the foundations of health – recognise that these are simple things that can be easily added to your lifestyle.